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Friday, May 11, 2012

These Things I Know

This I know.  Between every moment, the universe rebuilds itself, when you have lost your keys, or your cigarette lighter, or the remote, that YOU KNOW WAS JUST FUCKING THERE.... you lost it because the Universe forgot it, like a typo, when it rebuilt the reality. That's why you never find it until you kick and scream and curse and ask everyone you know, even people who weren't even there if they have seen the item... that's how you remind the universe to correct its mistake... but the Universe does not want you to catch on to it, so when it puts the item back it does so only in a different room, one you have already searched... but sometimes, the universe REALLY wants to fuck with you... so you leave the room, and it puts it back, in EXACTLY the place you remember it being... Or worse... If it really wants to fuck with you, the universe slips it in your pocket... just to make you think you are stupid and or crazy...

Also, I am positive that Bag Fries (the fries that fall out of the container and into the bottom of the bag) are the best tasting fries of the the batch... they have escaped the tiny confines of their cardboard cages, only to be confined again... their brief sense of hope, suddenly overcome by abject dismay over their impending doom sends endorphins throughout the french fry body and saturates them with deliciousness...

Oddly, this effect is exactly the opposite for tater tots, who become disgusting and stale at their hint of freedom... I think they are agorophobic, and suffer isolation anxiety when away from the safety of the herd for too long... Bag Tots are sad little things...

Onion rings who get a taste of freedom will secrete a corrosive oil, that weakens an opens the bag, freeing not only themselves, but everything else in the bag as well... Bag Rings have spirit, and yearn to be free.

1 comment:

  1. Unless you kick the Universe in the ass, it will kick you.